i've been reminded why i stopped feeling.

when i do, it's usually just too much and i implode.

but now i'm realizing

that's fucking stupid and to lighten up

in the face of the unbearable wretchedness of it all.

made me think of julian. take that for what it's worth, kid.

"Administrative Professionals Day" Special Presentation - Zach Galifianakis from Zach Galifianakis

The condition of the world is not a reflection of the condition of man. It is a result of nature’s own paralyzing construction! Ourselves is what we were given to work with, and this is what we’ve done with it, and this is what we’ve done in return. Not out of resentment or bitterness towards some withholding mother. We’ve done the best with it that we can! Yet, it is as if mankind isn’t imaginative enough to think of a really good way to cheer itself up. The drinks are so expensive we have to sneak around the bars with smuggled cans. And looking into the plastic eyes of the fortified assholes makes me want to just cry. Nothing but another person. Everywhere I go, it’s just more people. Maybe they’ve seen some good, but they’ve probably caused more bad. Bad as in pain, selfishness, pretense, dishonesty, indulgence, heartbreak, rusted pennies, filled up parking lots, and sold-out movie tickets. The bar is a supermarket filled with aisles of generic cereals and bony sleeping partners. Each set of eyes in the bar are the eyes of a thirsty man at sea. These people want a manifesto to be written, I can feel it, and they don’t realize that they are already writing it themselves with second-hand ink in the margins of books and poetry that have already been written. The earth is dying because we’re out of ideas! We have grown inbred, blind, and ignorant to the fact that our spirit of recycling is actually killing the world. But no matter! We won’t be around to miss it. That is freedom, and yes, that is free.

this is worse than bosnia...

somehow, i've evolved into a nihilist. it's kind of a bummer, but then i remember it doesn't really matter. haha.

also, anti-art is the shit. so is dada.

moments of grace are wonderful. especially when you realize they are happening.

also, people give reality tv shows crap for editing footage to make things more interesting. and not to defend reality tv, but we totally do the same thing with our own memories of our lives. at least i do.

i couldn't sleep before for many reasons. those reasons went away and were replaced with solutions, which just ended up becoming more reasons. so what's the difference.

i've given up on trying to make sense of anything because i know none of it makes sense anyways.