so it's come to my attention

and perhaps this has already come to some people's attention

particularly

people who,

when they were twelve

saw Jurassic Park

my main philosophy in life

revolves around

FUCKING CHAOS THEORY

i've at least looked down upon such

goldblum-isms since the movie's conception

but now i realize

constantly accommodating for nature and life's infinite possibilities

at least carries shades of chaos theory

something i know nothing about

and is literally relegated to the realm of 

hurricanes and butterflys

if i'm wrong in correlating the two

let me know.

because i want to know

if my main philosophy in life is CHAOS THEORY

because i feel like such

PULP

is exactly that.

basically, it comes down to this:

a grip that is slipping.

i desperately want people,

mainly those who are close to me

to understand the plight

that is 

attempting to account for the infinity that is the universe

the possibility

the life

the chance

that you are wrong

dead

fucking wrong.

knowing that you know

FUCKING NOTHING

is terrifying

and sudden.

and then

something you feel like you know

like

OBAMA WILL WIN

becomes truth

makes you second guess

doubt

and then you realize

the ability to second guess doubt

IS INSANE.

drunken rambling.

blahdy blah.

i don't know.

it's like i told julian once.

life

is a gigantic game of yahtzee.

there's a cup

with 6 billion or so dice within

and the outcome

is...

in a human word: insane.