i've been reminded why i stopped feeling.

when i do, it's usually just too much and i implode.

but now i'm realizing

that's fucking stupid and to lighten up

in the face of the unbearable wretchedness of it all.

made me think of julian. take that for what it's worth, kid.

"Administrative Professionals Day" Special Presentation - Zach Galifianakis from Zach Galifianakis

The condition of the world is not a reflection of the condition of man. It is a result of nature’s own paralyzing construction! Ourselves is what we were given to work with, and this is what we’ve done with it, and this is what we’ve done in return. Not out of resentment or bitterness towards some withholding mother. We’ve done the best with it that we can! Yet, it is as if mankind isn’t imaginative enough to think of a really good way to cheer itself up. The drinks are so expensive we have to sneak around the bars with smuggled cans. And looking into the plastic eyes of the fortified assholes makes me want to just cry. Nothing but another person. Everywhere I go, it’s just more people. Maybe they’ve seen some good, but they’ve probably caused more bad. Bad as in pain, selfishness, pretense, dishonesty, indulgence, heartbreak, rusted pennies, filled up parking lots, and sold-out movie tickets. The bar is a supermarket filled with aisles of generic cereals and bony sleeping partners. Each set of eyes in the bar are the eyes of a thirsty man at sea. These people want a manifesto to be written, I can feel it, and they don’t realize that they are already writing it themselves with second-hand ink in the margins of books and poetry that have already been written. The earth is dying because we’re out of ideas! We have grown inbred, blind, and ignorant to the fact that our spirit of recycling is actually killing the world. But no matter! We won’t be around to miss it. That is freedom, and yes, that is free.

this is worse than bosnia...

somehow, i've evolved into a nihilist. it's kind of a bummer, but then i remember it doesn't really matter. haha.

also, anti-art is the shit. so is dada.

moments of grace are wonderful. especially when you realize they are happening.

also, people give reality tv shows crap for editing footage to make things more interesting. and not to defend reality tv, but we totally do the same thing with our own memories of our lives. at least i do.

i couldn't sleep before for many reasons. those reasons went away and were replaced with solutions, which just ended up becoming more reasons. so what's the difference.

i've given up on trying to make sense of anything because i know none of it makes sense anyways.

fucking AMAZING show. totally worth the money and exhaustion of a three day music festival. can you spot me in the crowd?

i have a new cosmic theory

it has to do with jurisdictions.

basically,

depending on the perspective,

pretty much everything is justified

but you're also allowed to be outraged.

based on this principle,

i can be outraged at things in my own individual jurisdiction

but really

in the universe's jurisdiction, it doesn't matter.

because you can really only handle what you as a person can handle.

but it's important to also realize, that in the end

it's all dust.

on a serious new music kick.

sightings and made in mexico are fucking great.

as is merzbow. and AIDS wolf. and u.s. maple. and thee headcoats.

plus, the list of 20+ other bands that i can't find torrents of, but iTunes has em, so the first paycheck i get is gettin me some noisy ass shit.

i forgot, having a steady stream of income is nice. especially when it allows you to purchase shit you're passionate about.

it's a fact

my new job completely rules.

it's nice to think that at the end of all this, you'll look back and remember the best times of your life, and realize that you lived them. there won't be anymore dreams. just the glory of what did happen.

according to Citylife, we're the best local live band. hehe how silly. 

so now i can't sleep at night because all my mind's useless ramblings and concerns and sorrowful diarrhea has been replaced by writing jokes. i lay there, turning things over in my head till i get a joke, shoot up and turn my ceiling fan light on, jot it down in a notebook by my bed, turn the light out, and lay back down. i do this 5-10 times before i pass out from exhaustion. it's fucking silly. your most productive moments are not supposed to be when you're going to bed. oh well. i spose that's my method.

doug stanhope is my new favorite. he's a goddamn genius.

he's filthy but on this track his act actually gets kinda beautiful:

is it weird that i actually kinda like this band?

they got balls and sorta pull of a naked city-esque vibe.

music has kinda taken a back seat (except Land of Talk, who fucking rule).

i'm addicted to stand-up.

i'm gonna be one.

the station in LA that broadcasts the Adam Carolla Show is switching to an all music format... so friday is the last show. when i heard it was like a punch in the stomach. i'm seriously distraught. goddammit. it was seriously my main source of sanity for the last 6-7 months. now it's going to be gone. i swear to god. i hate the world.

Kristen Wiig Rules.

seriously. this kills me. 

and this is completely hilarious.

and this is just awesomely bizzare.

seattle's always been a place for me to get away.

that's what i'ma do.

adios.

resist

the idea that you're right

ugh, life without a foothold.

"will it be just like i'm dreaming?

... maybe i should let them."

i realize

those who are happiest have settled the most.

for ideas that are wrong

and actions that damage

maybe i should

when none of that matters

anyways.

but

also

no one is right

so why follow.

growing up FUCKING SUCKS.

no job.

no money.

totally lazy.

stress.

bills.

gotta escape.

oh. and i fucking resent having to do this alone.

"All you know is the way
That he made you feel
He made you feel safe enough
To feel at all
It's all there in the moment
You understood
That he's not going on
And you're still going on"

words: the heavyhitters

miller

kerouac

bruce

dylan

pryor

carlin

hicks

and maybe oswalt, if only for this joke:

“Me want see Grand Canyon!”
Javier Bardem in Frankenstein Meets The Bucket List

be like this:

grasping at strands

trying to pull a something closer

wrestling with a something

a something with a face

you can do nothing but remember

in a state of pure happiness

bliss with a place in you

confused by how complicated

every living thing is

but the bottle is simple

and you drink, drink, drink till it’s through

and it’s warm and true

because it’s there

and you can’t remember when it wasn’t

because you have the receipt

with the date and the time

stamped in around the price.

 

“one more, please.”

things are easier in the Spring because

you can’t remember

a difficult Spring

so i just saw Gran Torino in a packed theater with many of my fellow Americans, and let me tell you... American hypocrisy is alive and well. the theater literally bust up laughing, and even had spats of applause at the main characters racist comments. mainly because they were directed at Asians and Hispanics. i know for a fact if he had said "nigger" there would have been nothing but gasps. but no, "slope" and "zipperhead" gets huge laughs. awesome. it was really surreal.

that being said, it was a fucking awesome movie.

in sharing a hotel room with my cousin this weekend i found out when i sleep:

i sigh a lot

i sound frustrated

and i "move like [i] want someone to fix something"

no wonder i wake up tired. sleeping apparently causes unpleasant sensations to my body and mind. this is depressing.

"The atom bomb is not a respecter of persons!"

i think my mind and body are all screwed up

there's no harmony

no synchronization

i wake up tired

and go to sleep wired

i suppose

it's a strange state

where perhaps

everything is possible

but it only seems to happen

when i'm in a state of no-control

so nothing really happens

because i can't remember

all i know is

i'm still waking up

and things are happening.

goddamn i'm burnin through these Preacher comics faster than i can afford em. sooo freakin good though.